Some people think a long distance relationship (LDR) is when you're dating
someone who lives more than 15 minutes away by bus.
For most, however, long distance relationship means at least a car trip - including a minimum of at
least one pit and a two-sandwich road lunch. long distance relationships require more effort than the regular, close-by kind since the object of desire is generally unavailable for
last-minute bowling dates, or successive weekends lolling about in each other's
boring company. long distance relationships include phone bills and/or a great deal of spare time
on-line, dropping e-mails and catching up in chat rooms.
There's a certain elan to the fact that the two bodies occupy different zip
codes - separation in space and time adds mystery to the connection. From the
time we are teens, we dream about meeting someone from a far-off city, or
falling in love with a foreign prince - and the idea that "somewhere else" is
sexier remains with us through life. With global vacationing ( "How was Borneo?"
) and technology that allows us to connect instantly to strangers around the
planet, it is inevitable that someone you know will have an long distance relationship of one magnitude
or another. There are of course pluses to this -- like assured privacy during
"off-time," when one or both may pursue interests that are totally consuming.
This can mean an obsession with archeology or raku pottery - or a secret extra
When the twosome does occupy the same time zone and geographical vicinity,
there is a tendency to be nice - to be good company and use the limited time
wisely. This works well for lovers who adore each other, those who fantasize
about being together after school is over, or after the Belgrade posting is
For some - military wives, for example - long distance relationship may mean resentment about a
partner being away from parenting responsibilities and missing the day-to-day
life that gives companionship and perspective.
To be successful, the long distance relationship must have a few important features:
- First, a level of trust.
Separate social lives are a built-in necessity.
They need to flourish without acid conditions and apologetic stances. Those who
linger at home, awaiting a potential mushy phone merger at the expense of having
a life, will find resentment accrues. You can't bolt a mini-cam to your belt to
appease a jealous partner - and who'd want to even if you could.
- Second, the level of commitment needs to be in place.
This enhances the
future of the relationship as it matures and changes. LDRs are feasible if they
have an end date - it's important that people know they are going to be residing
on the same plot of land (or at least the same state) at some time in the
- Third, you need to have strong communication skills
couples can become strangers quickly. Some are inventive and extend the intimacy
to phone sex.
- Fourth, you need a realistic view of the detached alliance
parties live with the idea that far-off plans may change - that there may be no
date for Cousin Minnie's wedding? What happens if the cute guy in cubicle 17
sends " I'm Interested " vibes? When do you reveal that feelings are changing?
Do you do it in person or over the phone? Is either party good at entertaining
themselves or will there be tears when one needs to lean heavily on the
relationship? Because of all of this, independent types do better with this
Some relationships actually start out as LDRs. The play 63 Charrington Cross
was based on the correspondence between two writers who shared their life
experiences in writing, but never actually met. This may be the ultimate LDR -
no reality testing of the information exchanged. Off the stage, these types of
long-distance connections usually start out in chat rooms on the Net.
The built-in problem is that despite all the intimate revelations and a
mountain of calls and mail, there is always the unexpected waiting for the
There's that cold sore he forgot to mention, or the new religion she is
investigating ( "Did I mention this is my celibate month?" ). No matter how much
information is exchanged back and forth, the body language and chemistry can be
astonishingly dissimilar to the expectation.
For those hooked on new beginnings, the Long Distance Relationship can have
its fabulous features. It's also great for those who - if they were honest -
would admit they are more comfortable with a part-time partner, since too much
closeness give them hives. Many successful cross-country connections are the
short-lived kind - exciting, exotic and expiration date visible.
Long-term successes tend to have a bigger life plan, the ones who know they
will eventually wake up in bed together - without having to check the
This Love Article was sent by Leo M
(firstname.lastname@example.org) and forwarded by Dr3w